Photo: Erika Fletcher on Unsplash.com

By Laura Durenberger-Grunow - Boreal Community Media - August 29, 2025

Editor's note: This article was written shortly after the Annunciation Catholic School shooting in Minneapolis. However, the information and resources are relevant to any local or worldwide traumatic event. 

It’s been two days since the tragic school shooting in Minneapolis. These types of heartbreaking events are challenging to navigate on their own, but that can be especially true when they happen close to home. 

When difficult things happen (whether locally or worldwide), it can be hard to know how to talk to kids about them. In this case, the proximity of the tragedy to the start of school, already a potentially anxiety-producing time for some, could exacerbate these emotions. 

Questions such as 'where do I start', and 'how do I know how much to disclose', can be tricky to navigate (this is especially true when we're trying to process the situation ourselves).

However, navigating these types of conversations is important. According to The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTST), kids' reactions to [difficult events] are strongly influenced by how parents, relatives, teachers, and other caregivers respond". 

While this may seem like a lot of pressure, it's OK not to know all of the answers. 

Boreal Community Media reached out to the First Witness Child Advocacy Center of Duluth, which aims to "bring together a collaborative multidisciplinary team of professionals made up of law enforcement, social workers, doctors, therapists, advocates, prosecutors, and public defender’s office,” to help support “healing by ensuring that children are listened to, and receive the critical support, victim advocacy, medical care, and mental health care they need to recover from abuse.”

Associate Director Tyra Jaramillo-Kraemer spoke with Boreal Community Media to offer tips and resources on how to discuss difficult and complex topics or situations with kids, such as school shootings. 

Jaramillo-Kraemer began with acknowledging that “Starting can feel tricky.” 

She recommended asking kids what they have already heard about the event, “because they have most likely already heard something.” Next, ask if they have any questions and how they feel. 

According to the Center for the Study of Traumatic Stress, common reactions children may be experiencing are:

• Anxiety/stress around the situation, and that it may happen to them in the future
  
  
• Physical symptoms such as headache, stomachache (see a doctor if problems persist)
  
  
• Sadness, grief 
  
  
• Young children sometimes exhibit “magical thinking,” which might lead them to believe they are responsible for what happened (learn more)
  
  
• Nightmares 
  
  
• Trauma-related play
  
  
• Avoidance

“It is recommended that, regardless of the age of your child, it is always best to keep the discussion straightforward and direct, while avoiding graphic or unnecessary details,” she said. 

When determining how much detail to disclose, it depends on the child's age (both physically and developmentally), the time elapsed since the event occurred, and the family structure. 

The National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN) recommends listening with an open mind and, if any misinformation is mentioned, gently correcting it in an age-appropriate manner. 

If the child is unfamiliar with the situation or event, begin the conversation. 

"Not talking about it can make the event even more threatening in your child’s mind. Silence suggests that what has occurred is too horrible even to speak about or that you do not know what has happened," according to NCTSN. 

However, it’s OK if they answer that they don’t want to talk about it. 

Jaramillo-Kraemer shared a recommendation from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), which includes an example of how parents and guardians can frame a response: 

"In [city/state], there was a crisis [explain what the crisis was] and many people were hurt. The police and people who help kids are doing their jobs so they can try to make sure that it doesn't happen again." 

Focus answers on safety, security, and keeping the door open for conversation. If children or youth ask a question and it's met with resistance, they are less likely to continue seeking answers from that person and instead turn to friends in school or on the bus.

The AAP also recommends coordinating with teachers and child care providers to “filter information about the event so that they can present it in a way that their child can understand and adjust to in a healthy way. 

The Center for Resilience & Wellbeing in Schools reminds caregivers to normalize and validate any and all emotions the child may be experiencing, even if they're not ready to discuss the situation.

"Step into their shoes and let your [child] know that you understand what they are feeling, and it makes sense to feel or think that way. You might say, “That makes sense,” “I get it,” “I understand,” “Other people feel that way, too,” and “You are not alone”.

Don’t be thrown off if a child’s response is, “You don’t/can’t understand” or “There is NO way you understand what I am going through.” It is normal at certain stages of development for children to express their uniqueness and separateness from adult experiences (this is especially true for teenagers). Validating and normalizing it makes sense to have a different experience.

Jaramillo-Kraemer recommends the following resources for further information:

• The American Academy of Pediatrics article "School Safety During an Emergency or Crisis: What Parents Need to Know"

• The National Child Traumatic Stress Network's article "Parent Guidelines for Helping Youth after the Recent Shooting"

• The National Child Traumatic Stress Network's article "Age-Related Reactions to a Traumatic Event"

Other helpful resources:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: A free resource for mental health struggles, emotional distress, alcohol or drug use concerns, or just needing someone to talk to.
  
  
• Crisis Text Line: If children are experiencing extreme feelings of sadness, anger, or confusion and need more support, crisis support is available by calling or texting 741741.
  
  
• First Witness Child Advocacy Center: If you have questions or concerns, the First Witness Child Advocacy Center is available from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. at 218-727-8353.

Image: Cook County Public Health