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Boreal Community Media ranks Minnesota as number one for most miserable winters

Nov 10, 2019 11:55AM ● By Editor
Photo:  WCCO-TV

From Boreal Community Media - November 10, 2019 just ranked Minnesota as number one for most miserable winters, ranking it ahead of Michigan, Alaska and North Dakota.

In an article that ranks every state in the country for how miserable their winters are, writer Matt Lynch says "In most of America, winter sucks. It is cold out. You don’t feel like doing anything, so you get fat. Pipes freeze. Lips, noses, and cheeks get chapped and raw. Black ice kills. Polar vortex enters the lexicon. Snow hats look cool until you have to take them off indoors and then your hair looks horrible."

But which state is the MOST horrible? After an intense period of research and debate with my friends and colleagues, factoring in everything from weather patterns and average temperatures to the efficacy with which state governments keep roads clear to the historical success rates of their winter-season sports teams, these are the results. This is one of those things where you probably actually want to finish last.

In writing about Minnesota's "most miserable winters", Lynch says:

To think of the generally cheerful brood of Nordic-bred people being the winners in any sort of a contest of misery seems downright crazy. But for all those adorable don'tcha knows, we think something else is going on. We think beneath that eternal Nordic happiness is some inner pain, trapped below the surface like a Grain Belt dropped into an ice fishing hole, a cauldron of hot anger ready to spill out like a cut-open Jucy Lucy.

How can you remain so upbeat when you get all the winter weather patterns? Alberta clippers? Sure. Panhandle hooks? You betcha! Parts of northern Minnesota see up to 170in of snow in a winter. One hundred seventy inches! That’s like two and a half times the height of Kent Hrbek!! It can get down to -60 degrees, a temperature at which frostbite can occur in fewer than five minutes. There are no chinook winds or moderating oceans to temper things outside of a small area by Lake Superior. Your sports teams never win championships. All of your good high school hockey players end up starring for NHL teams in other cities. Ice fishing can’t be that cool, really.

And so we think that -- despite all appearances -- Minnesota does in fact have the most miserable winter in the United States. So to all the Eriks, and Astrids, and Christens, and Bjorns, and Brynjars, it’s OK to show a little displeasure at the cluster**** of a meteorological hand you’ve been dealt. After all, don'tcha know emoting is good for the system?"

While Boreal Community Media believes that Mr. Lynch is entitled to his opinion, in the future, we hope he keeps it to himself.

You can read the original article and how every state is ranked by follow this link to Lynch's article.

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