Quotes of the Day
Four humorous quotations each day from The Quotations Page
Updated: 20 min 14 sec ago
"Rules are just helpful guidelines for stupid people who can't make up their own minds."
"If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death."
"Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles."
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
"Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable."
"It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree."
"Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it."
"They wouldn't call it falling in love if you didn't get hurt sometimes, but you just pick yourself up and move on."
"It's so much easier to suggest solutions when you don't know too much about the problem."
"Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger."
"It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information."
"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
"The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful"
"Most people ignore most poetry / because / most poetry ignores most people."
"Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them."
"There is always more misery among the lower classes than there is humanity in the higher."
"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."
"A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors."